A NEVER ending hiatus

A NEVER ending hiatus

September 9, 2013

By: Gina Yoryet Roman

I keep staring at the ‘Just Do It,’ Nike slogan with all these words that I uploaded on my blog just a few days ago. “QUIT MAKING EXCUSES, PUTTING IT OFF, COMPLAINING ABOUT IT, DREAMING ABOUT IT, WHINING ABOUT IT, CRYING ABOUT IT, BELIEVING YOU CAN’T, WORRYING IF YOU CAN, WAITING UNTIL YOU’RE OLDER, SKINNIER, RICHER, BRAVER, OR ALL AROUND BETTER. SUCK IT UP, HOLD ON TIGHT, SAY A PRAYER, MAKE A PLAN & JUST DO IT!

As the high-demanding woman I tend to be, I usually require more from my body than what it can take. This past week and weekend are a perfect-fitting example of my sometimes out of control and ‘unexplained’ demands (The reason for such high demands lie very deep down within and I can only share it with very few people). I underwent A LOT of emotional, spiritual and physical strain, much more than what I could ever handle. As a result, I had an emotive outburst that led to a five minute bout of tears. I was extremely tense and my body gave in, it evaded all the attempted efforts and the "You need to be doing more," signals my worn out mind kept transmitting. 

On Saturday from the moment I made the decision to do my an earlier workout (the only session this week) after a few prior sleepless nights to meet a deadline, then go to class, come back and have a conference meeting, and then do volunteer work, I knew I should’ve put or called off most of the engagements for that day and devote some time to lie either awake or asleep...but I didn’t.

After contemplating at, and interrogating the ‘why’ I have been on a sixteen month hiatus that feels more like an eternity, I came to the realization that I NEVER give my body a break. Sometimes I take on more than what I can, I assume that I am SUPER woman and add more to my hectic schedule. Despite my body’s claims for rest, I squeeze in workouts at the crack of dawn because that is the only “ME’ time. After making a stupid mistake, I normally dwell on it too much for too long and my temple gets all the strain. 

When someone once asked me why I never slowed down to smell the coffee, I replied, “what for? I will rest when I die.” Most of the time I try to stay still and meditate at no avail. There’s always something "more important" to do other than rest. 

Although I force myself to undwind, I can never take more than two day intervals and go M. I. A. (Missing In Action) completely. If I do, my most useful work tools are my companions. I abhor long lapses, unnecessary apertures, uncalled idle time, lengthy breaches, prolonged gaps, mind corrupting and disturbing interims, unrequired discontinuity, undesirable rifts. I like being busy every minute of my day. True, when it gets too much, I can always foresee what’s coming but at the same time, work and working out are my top two sanctuaries.

I am unbeknownst as to how much longer this painful, draining and peace interrupting hiatus will last, I would rather not know. All I want now, is to take each day at once, cherish and embrace my temple amidst all the ups and downs because he is the only one who will withstand all the turmoil I put it through, and the only one who will stand by me forever. 

I’ve been praying to reach physical wellness once again and regain emotional balance and all the strength I once upon possessed...

God bless!