Facing my fears
November 29, 2012
By: Gina Yoryet Roman
What if I can't be as strong as in my pre-surgery state? What if I can't walk as fast? What if it's too painful too drive and I lose control on the road? What if my body doesn't respond the same way? Will I be able to run pull off a 20-30 minute jog on the treadmill at some point? What if my muscles don't develop as they did before? Will it some day be the usual me on a fitness level? Will my right calf ever release the tension from the strain of my weight?
'La loca de la azotea' (the crazy lady upstairs, meaning my mind) has haunted me every night for the last fourteen days because I feel like a stranger in my own body. Since day one of physical therapy I've been aghast to foresee what tomorrow and the day after will portray awaiting to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.
My therapist repeats time after time that everything will be ok but I have to insist, resist and persist to reach my goal.
I tell her, "Ok, I trust your skills and experience and I commit to doing my part to reach the summit (Physically) sooner."
Thus fear holds me tightly in his arms, I am getting mentally prepared to bounce back even more reloaded, considering what my body can handle. What bewilders me the most about my temple is my crazy fast metabolism taking into account that the weeks prior and the week post surgery I splurged on everything and performed zero physical activity whatsoever and I only put on two kilos!! Unlike this week, more veggies, less bread and tortillas and hardly any junk food have descended upon my plate.
When I face-off my first day at the gym, I will be eager to do a high intensity routine but I must NOT forget that even by starting out slowly, my numb muscles will react immediately and give me the desired results. That's why I won't force or pressure it until it is 100% ready.
Another fortnight and I'll be on my way to a smooth start. So who cares that I haven't worked out for more than four months! Absolutely no one! Do I care that 90% of my muscle is long gone? I do but my engine will respond almost instantly! Does it really matter that I've been eating very low quality food for weeks? It does because I could have less flab now had I eaten cleaner but binging was ONLY momentarily. Did my body need a (forced) break? Most definitely!
For the time being I will keep flipping the hourglass and reading my fitness blogs and other ones to boost me and reencounter the Cuaima waiting to be awakened.
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